Mr. Sokchea SAING brough the Attitude Forum to the Former Khmer Rouge

I had been living in Chrauk Tiek for a couple of months and just returned back to Phnom Penh on the 2nd of August 2009. I am a new English teacher for the Friends of Grady Grossman Primary School. My other newly promoted and fancy titles now are Program Officer and Education Officer, which to me, is sounds like I am a very important person. I prefer to just be an ordinary older American-Cambodian guy, who wants to do something to make a difference in people’s lives especially in the rural poor neighborhood.

While I was there teaching, working closely, observing and learning first hand how things are going in this remote area, it occurred to me there were many problems within the community itself. The common problems are alcoholism, violence, mistrust, close minded, selfishness, low self-esteem, abusive of languages, disrespect, fear and controlling. Recognizing this was happening throughout Chrauk Tiek and its surrounding neighborhood, I started to explore what we can do, as an NGO to assist them.

The good thing was that I happened to know a professional trainer whose name is Sokchea. I got acquainted with him soon after my return to Cambodia in late December last year. We later became friends after we talked and exchanged many thoughts, ideas and interests. People told me that he was good at what he does. He has been working in this profession since 2006 and late formed his NGO 6 months ago called Attitude Center For Education focusing on training people to become a good person and good leader. I decided to take his class with my coworker, Country Director Yoen, a Cambodian man who has been working with Kari for the past 8 or 9 years.

After the class, I was impressed and convinced that we need him to conduct a class in Chrauk Tiek to see what he can do to share and hopefully resolve some of the issues as I state above. It could be very expensive for us if we have to pay in full for his service. Fortunately he was kind enough to give us a break by asking only to cover his expense on the gas for the trip. I was grateful for his willingness, cooperation and consideration. He told me that money is secondary to him; his goal is to help people in all walks of life. It was supposed to be a four-day class. His rules were strict: no phone, no late to class, no video, no camera, no recording, no talking and no long break.

To do it right, I had to consult with the SSC to sense if the Chrauk Tiek people have the interest. Bun, the school director’s first reaction was somewhat skeptical and refusal saying that the whole villagers have a bad habit of not coming to any event unless they get paid. He suggested to me that we should give them a minimum of two to three dollars per day at least. Otherwise it would be a wasted of time. Besides paying them, he suggested that we should provide them lunch. I was furious and disappointed to hear those comments. Yet, I tried my best not to show my emotion. I later told him that his suggestion was not realistic, but I understood why he said so base on the past experience. I rejected both requests. I told him, let’s change that habit and go ahead with a plan to invite them to the class without any handout or free lunch. I could sense, by the look on his face implying to me “good luck for that!” in a negative way. But I told him to just try it once. Meanwhile, in my mind, I began to wonder what if there will be nobody coming to the class. All I could only hope for the best.

As the class day approached closer, I was pleased and somewhat surprised to learn that there were thirty seven people registered to take the class. I was encouraged. At the same time I reminded myself that it’s going to be much less participants who will actually show up and I should keep my expectation low to avoid big disappointment. Actually I was a bit worried.
I could make myself look very foolish if Sokchea comes and nobody shows up. That would be a disaster, I thought. And what I am going to tell him then?

The big day finally arrived. Sockchea came with his three staffs: Put Set, Phanith and Sinoeun along with Yoen. They all came a day before class. The class began on July 27th 2009. Two of Sokchea’s staffs were males and the other was a young female student. They all have been working with Sokchea starting a few years back before his NGO was formed.

To comfort my friends as first time visitors to our school, I worked very hard that day to making sure all of our newly built rest rooms were clean and have plenty of water. Some of the students helped me scraping and cleaning the old restrooms, which belong to students. It was nasty and smelly before we started. With the help from a few older students, we were able to bring the restrooms to their best condition and almost spotless with no bad odor. Later that day, Bun, a female teacher named Vannich and three other students helped me cleaning the new restrooms and pumping water into the tanks for both sides of the restrooms. I then brought each class to show them the restroom’s new look. I asked everyone to keep the restrooms clean from that day on. “For a courtesy to other, you need to keep it clean before leaving,” I insisted. They were shocked to see how clean they were comparing with previous filthy one.

I had to admit that the night before class, I was a little restless and did not have a good sleep, concerning about the turn out. Surprisingly enough, we
had a total of 29 participants. There were 6 men from the SSC members, 7 women, 6 of them were the SSC members, 4 teachers from our school, 6 teachers from different school near by, finally our school principal and another school principal from Srechrap. Not too shabby considering, no payment, no lunch and bad timing. Why it was a bad time? Because this time of year, which during the month of July the rush to replant the rice, called “stoong season” was in full swing. Everyone was working extremely hard and had no time for anything else because this is critical that work need to be done.

July 27th 2009, firmly at 8 a.m. when the class supposed to start. But Sokchea and his staffs were late to get up and not ready. There was only 10 minutes left before class start. Nobody had breakfast yet including Sokchea. I was somewhat concerned if the class did not start on time to make good example to participants. Sokchea assured me not to worry. He will start the class on time without having to eat anything. That allowed his staffs to quickly run to have something to eat. I was relieved.

I took a couple minutes to introduce Sokchea to the class. He did not want me to use any big title nor the word teaching. He preferred to use terms like mediator or sharing new ideas instead. The class started slowly, and I could felt that Sokchea was trying to sense what kind of participants were in the class. There was a mixture of some educated ones like school teachers, school principal and others with no education at all. Also there were some who felt in between. To keep the class in balance, he began slowly so the least educated ones could catch on.

As he started using terms like: you know-you know, you know-you don’t know and you don’t know-you don’t know. Most were all confused. Little by little everyone began to make sense of what Sokchea said. He then moved on asking them to keep an open mind to allow ourselves to explore and absorb something new, helpful, enchanting and interesting. Before the class, I mentioned to Sokchea about some of the major issues like alcohol, violent and honesty to see if he could emphasize on those. Sure enough he spent a good amount of time talking about the consumption of alcohol and why it has bad effect on people’s lives.

Almost all of them admitted that they do have problem with alcoholism. I remember one of our SSC members, Kim talked about his own drinking problem. I am sure Sokchea could smell his breath as he got up and talked in class. He was drunk that day even he knew that he had to take the class. To my amazement Sokchea interacted with Kim with any difficulty. Kim who has little education and soon words began to flow out of his mouth sharing his own drinking life story with the class. As he talked, he was nervous and sweating profusely. He kept asking Sokchea a few times to go back to his seat because he was too nervous and had never stood up in front of a group of people before. What was striking me the most of what he said was that drinking gives him more energy to work on the rice paddy or farm. You know alcohol is not at all a bad thing. Sometimes my wife wants me to work on the rice field preparing the ground for example, she would normally buy me a bottle of alcohol and then asked me to go to work. I like that part and it seems to work well for both of us, he said with a smile. Everyone burst into laughter from his comment.

For generation, this community continues to live their lives the same way for generation. Drinking and getting into violence is a norm and often times women were the victims. Their spouses abused them verbally and physically, injuring their heads and bodies are nothing new. Yet, they had no way or power to stop the abusive behavior. No one protects them; they are powerless. One woman told the class that her husband got drunk one time in the past and they got into an argument, it escalated to the point that her husband got out of control hitting her on the head spitting her skull open. He later treated her wound and resumed back to their normal life as if nothing had happened after her husband sweet talked and apologized to her.

Sokchea skillfully used his charm and humor to make the class more fun and learning at the same time. You could see everyone’s face was filled with a sense of satisfaction. The whole class got excited from time to time. Then there were certain part they were dead silent as Sokchea spoke softly, in his lowest tone, about why they continue to treat their love one the way they did. Is hitting a good way to show someone that you love them? He asked. He paused a few second for the answer. Then he screamed on top of his lunge “NO!” This brought everyone to their attention.

In order to get better, to find happiness everyone in this room needs to look closely into your own life and willing to do some changes, Sokchea told the class. As the class progressed, he moved on to talk about corruption, the role of a father, mother or children. It was an eye opening to all. For the first time in their lives they have heard something different that make think to try to make sense in a way that everyone could relate to whatever they had never thought that way before. Whether it was honesty, past resentment, unkind act, hitting, greed, unhappy, distrust, conflict, they heard it all.

The second day was the most interesting part of all. People confessed to their spouses and wanted to change. Chey, one of our SSC members brought his wife to the class and told her that he loves her very much. I am sorry for what I have been doing to you, drinking too much and spending irresponsibly. It was all my faults and I am apologized, he stated in front of the class. Everyone applauded his new attitude. His wife asked me to be one of her witness to hold her husband accountable for his action. The class had a big laugh of that scene. I did not know what to react, but knotting my head with joy.

Vong Von’s son, Vann also got picked by Sokchea to confess in front of the crow. He too ended up apologized to his father and managed to say “I love you dad!” He did it hesitantly and did not look his dad in the eyes at all. This was the first time in his live that he said this loving word to his dad. Meanwhile his dad was in deep emotion hearing for the first time what his son expressed how much he loves his dad. To Vann, it was not easy. He must have felt strange to say thing like that to his dad. He said it is hard because he only keep all of his feelings inside; don’t know how to express directly. It is not uncommon among Cambodians. Actually, the majority of Cambodians, considering this practice strange, odd or silly to tell your parents that you love them. On the opposite side, in the U.S., or other parts of the world, family members tell each other all the time that they love one another. My family is no different. Since my children were born and raised in the U.S., we tell each other constantly “I love you” and “I love you too”.

Sokchea changed his mind and decided that two days of class were enough for these folks to absorb. Any more than that it could be overwhelmed them. He wanted to come back. He apologized to the class for shorten his trip and return back to his office in Phnom Penh. In the end we all were encouraged and had new hope, a hope that this class could bring Chrauk Tiek people a new meaning of life. A different perspective was introduced to all. Many small seeds of attitude changing in behavior were planned. My best hope is that happiness and prosperity among the community begin to sprout slowly, but surely. And that what we all imagine.

The following is an article written by Sokchea’s staffs about the whole experiences of his training at our school. I already asked his permission to share with everyone. If you want to read more in detail, please feel free to do so. You will see why and how the training took place. To me, I think that the training was a great success even though we only had a total of 22 people successfully completed the class.

Since Sokchea had conducted the class, I heard many good comments from whole community throughout the Chrauk Tiek and beyond. Some women complained that they were disappointed that no one told them about the class. They really want to attend. I promised them that if we are going to have another class, we sure will let them know. Three of our SSC are drinking much less now. Vong Von’s son, Vann is more calm and appreciative to both his parents and his wife. A woman from SSC told me that she will try her best to put what she had learned into practice to reduce stress, more forgiving, kinder, less worry and work toward building happiness for her family. I am thrilled to hear those positive feed back!

Recently I had heard that many people are changing from drinking less alcohol to less violent physically or verbally, to being honest and so on. I am also very grateful to Sokchea and his team for willing to go to such a remote place like ours. They did an outstanding job, and we look forward to invite him back. He plans to go back at the appropriated time, he told me.

Thanks